Confused

I had no siblings. I never learn how to act as a sister. I never share my mom and dad with anyone. I play with my toys on my own, I use my things for myself, no sharing. I never feel how it is to have sibling, whether to love them or to feel their feeling as mine too (sibling do such things like this, right?)

Now, I had two princess. I never know how my first princess feel about her sibling. Does she feel envy? Or does she confuse between envy and caring? Sometime I'm surprised with her caring for her little sister. She brought her toys to be played on granny's bed. She came right away anytime she heard her crying, and pushed her milk bottle to her mouth to keep her silent. But sometime I feel she was so envy so that she did rude things to her, like trowing her toy at her sisters head.

To me, the mother of the two, it was so confusing to have more than one child. I try so hard to give equal attention to them, but so far, i'm still having trouble to do so. Along the pregnancy time, I had a feeling that I'll never be able to love my little one because of my love to the first one, at that time, I feel that I can never love other than her, my precious one. But i was wrong! When the little one came to live, and the old one becoming too active, uncontrollable, and annoying, I than realize my ignorance for her is an autonomous act! Yes, I than prefer to care for the little one more than to the old one, I even feel that I had ignored her!

I feel so awful, confuse, and working so hard to make it right.

I turn the Tracy Hogg book open again this morning....